Derek's Perspective of Spencer Reid
by Lantree
Summary: Derek writes about his friendship with Dr. Spencer Reid before and after his captivity with Tobias Hankel


Spencer Reid. What is there to say of such a man? He is one of smarts, wit, quirks and intelligence beyond my years and yet, being the youngest of us all is completely naïve as to the normal social cues of our day. To say the least he is best describes as whimsical. It is not in a negative way in which I speak these things. There is nothing wrong about the man he is, but that does not stop the world from judging him and his very character. This is where it has gone array; the judgments that too often come his way without a concern for what effects it causes upon him as person.

I, Derek Morgan, am his friend to say the least. Friends, co-worker and loyal team member of the FBI and yet I see him more as a brother than anything. I have found much to my surprise that I have gained certain wisdom from him in which I never thought I would attain in my life before. He has taught me about more about life in the short 6 years I have known him than I have ever imagined to learn. One could say that he enlightened my eyes to a new way of thinking.

To think back to the first time we meant my first impression of him was of young innocence masked by that of his rather dorky and late trend of style. I found him to be the smartest man I knew but also, despite his incredible intelligence, lacked much self-confidence. He was easy enough to get a long with and I can admit that, at times, he could be annoying with his random thoughts, rants, quotes and facts about anything and everything. It was as if his mind could not stop. When he was nervous or anxious I noticed he would do it more. In the end I came to appreciate that. It was on days where those rants, thoughts and random assortment of facts stopped or was in lack that I was concerned for the young man that was before me.

Working in our field of work does cause a strain on our lives and no matter how much one becomes desensitized to the bloody mess we see and the hard-headed emotionless criminals we come in contact with you cannot go completely unaffected by the very being of their presence and the role they play in our lives. It is a hazard of entering into our line of work. Even with our devotion to put these men behind bars being constantly surrounded and engrossed by them and their doings plays an emotional toll.

Spencer seemed to handle himself well despite it. There were days, cases even, when it was harder for him than most, but he was, most times, able to skillfully pull himself together with much professionalism and was most profitable to the cases at present hand. I have a theory that he learned to compartmentalize better than the average man. He had to or he simply could have been driven to madness faster than most of man.

Let me paint a picture: Reid is a man with an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and the ability to think in ways I, nor most of the humans on this present earth, would be capable of. Now take these facts at hand and think of the life he has lived. To begin with I find that we would have to go back to his beginning. As a child, he no doubt was seen as a prodigy not very far into age; he grew up unlike most children do—never being able to really live childhood and enjoy the simplicity of just being. He was awkward to say the least, still is in all honesty, but to put a 12 year old awkward, brilliantly smart child into a high school is no doubt going to end in bullying.

Bullying would almost be an understatement to label the things that he faced in those years of schooling. Add to that a paranoid schizophrenic for a mother and a father that abandoned him at a young age and he was on the makes for a depressing and at risk life. If it was not for his drive to make a life for himself I cannot say what would have come of the prolific kid. How he managed to end up in the bureau is a story I do not feel all to compelled to share it is what happened to him after he came that I will focus on in the pages to come.

The first case they went haywire and left an irremovable mark on the young agent was the case of Tobias Hankel. The case, which at first seemed to be a rather simple case at first, turned into a very unexpected and messy turn of events which would forever leave deep emotional scares in the doctor's life. I suppose I should elaborate on the events that came to follow. In short Reid and Jennifer went to perform a interview that they thought was for a material witness but as it turned out upon their arrival that the witness was actually the unsub they had been searching for. After making the tactical decision to split up in order to apprehend the man Reid, having followed Hankel into a corn field was blindsided and taken captive while JJ ran into a pretty scary match with some nasty dogs.

This is where the evolution of Reid begins or maybe more accurately termed as his devolution. Reid was held for 3 days and in those days that followed his captivity his life was forever changed. Any would be impacted by captivity such as his but he was followed by a downward spiral in which it took a long time for him to be pulled out of. For better understanding I will write a brief account of the extent of his captivity.

Upon him being taken by Tobias he was brought to a small shack that Reid, who kept his wit for the most part during his confinement, was able to figure out he was being held in a cemetery. Reid was bound to a chair of simple style and within the shack was the unmistakable stench of burning rotting fish and the dull lighting of a single bulb trickling from the ceiling. Once the interactions begin between the two it begins with Reid being beat in the bare feet with a blunt wood as Tobias, in the personality of his father, who we now find out to have multiple personalities one of which is his father, Charles Hankel, and a religious mediator Raphael, as a way to force his confession of sin out of the scared young man. This goes on for some time and when no confession comes from the agents lips Tobias enters as his own personality and begins to role up the terrified Reid's shirt sleeve and putting a belt onto his arm for a tourniquet injects him with dilaudid cut with a psychedelic. Reid begs for him to stop and refuses the drug but still it is forced upon him. When under this influence the drugged Reid has flashbacks of his childhood and of his schizophrenic mother as Reid, at the age of 18, admits her into a mental facility. Soon after this event when Tobias returns with a video camera set up that is streaming to the computer I, Morgan, and the rest of the team are monitoring.

The first thing we see is Reid tied to a chair and it is obvious he has been beaten with his bare foot shown swollen and his face bloodied and terrified. The second thing I noticed was his left sleeve rolled up with obvious an obvious track mark within his elbow. He looked weak and small. Next Tobias comes into view in the personality of Raphael and forces Reid to chose from 3 computer screens who is the next to die. Reid, who refuses, but is then beaten into compliance, then chooses who will live. He is then forced to watch as the next couple is murdered. This is followed by Reid, again, being shoot up with drugs and as he falls into his drugged state has yet another flashback of his sad childhood. Tobias enters again, in the form of Raphael begins to violently beat Spencer demanding that he confesses his sin. In this Reid tips back in his chair and due to the beating and the drugs within his system falls into a grand mal seizure and actually dies, while Raphael comments that it is the devil departing his body. As a team we watched our friend, co-worker and agent die and was shocked when we saw what Tobias did next. When we saw Tobias coming into his personality of himself he then performs CPR and Reid is revived.

Following Reid's revival Raphael then puts a revolver to his head demanding him to choose a team member to be killed playing a game of Russian roulette when he refuses to chose. Reid refused saying to kill him and not a member of his team and each time that trigger was pulled and not knowing if the bullet would come out and end my friend's life was terrifying for us all to watch. Finally Reid broke down and chose Hotch stating he was a classic narcissist and quoted a passage from Genesis. However, Reid keeping his head purposely misquotes the passage as a clue for the team of his whereabouts. This and other clues we as a team figured out lead us to the site of the shack Reid was being held in. The last we saw of Reid on the video was after Reid chose Hotch was the last bullet being shot into the wall, we all knew that would have gone into our friend if he has not said Hotches name.

Reid is again given more drugs and flashed back into the age of 18 when he can no longer care for his mother on his own and repeats that he is sorry and Charles takes that as a confession and unties Reid demanding he grabs a shovel and is then forced to dig his own grave, while being told he will be buried alive to have more time to think about what he has done. In shock and weakness Reid complies but in weakness he can no longer dig forcing his captor to dig the remains of the grave for him. Reid sees flashlights coming in the woods and take his chance of survival and shoots Tobias with his own revolver.

The team now shows up and picks up the frail and weakened Reid from the ground to bring him to safety. He hugs Hotch and states that he is sorry and glad he got his message and tells JJ not to blame herself and then asks for a moment alone and in that moment he stole the drugs off the body of Tobias and safely stashes it away.

The story of his trauma and recovery from this case is a long and sad one. I wish I could have done more to help him, but he slowly sunk into his self after this and refused to let any of us in. We saw the signs that he was not healing from his trauma and was plagued by nightmares of his captivity but we did not expect that he would have ever continued using and becoming dependent on the drugs that were forced upon him. This is what ultimately lead to his destruction of self and what took him a long time and a fight to pull him out of this destructive path. I cannot imagine remembering every part of his capture and the memories which now would plague him in his sleep and in his awakened state.

When he returned from leave weeks after the incident we knew he would still not be back to himself but the sharpness that came from him was not what was at all expected. I, as his friend, had paid him many visits in the previous weeks as he healed physically and I tried to be emotional support during that time as well as Hotch who gave him counseling, but Reid played it all. It did not take us long to see signs that something was seriously wrong with our friend and co-worker. Not just emotional trauma that was still needed to be worked with his personality did not even comply with the effects of just trauma or PTSD, which he defiantly had.

I never would have thought as drug use as the problem he was struggling with. But slowly that thought began to come into my mind. He was having personality changes, up and then down, snappy and defensive, at times I saw him shaky and noticed a itch he tried to hide from us and was sickly looking, less organized and yet still remarkable in his work but not up to pace with his normal well put together thoughts. It was not until he snapped one day and disappeared that I began to grow more concerned. That night I went to his apartment ready to approach him. I knocked and no answer came. I called him and head his phone inside and saw his light on through the crack of the door. I used his key; he had previously given me, and let myself in feeling concern for my friend.

As I entered at first glance I saw his apartment dimly lit, unclean with many books scattering the floor and things thrown every which way. I took note of the blanket and pillow on the couch which was a sign that the young man has not been sleeping, at least well. I moved into his room and did not see him and noticed the bathroom door slightly open and as I drew nearer I saw his foot sticking partway out the door. I saw him slumped over the floor, obviously passed out, with needle in his right hand, vial on the floor and his now bare arm covered in track marks. I checked his pulse, it was slow but steady. I managed to get him to come into consciousness and as he came to be he was obviously very high and slurred. I managed to move him the couch where he soon passed out again. Once I was certain he had not overdosed I began to search his apartment for any more drugs he may have had on him. I found, sadly, 3 empty vials and 2 that still contained the dilaudid he had been using to shoot up with. It then became a waiting game for him to come to be.

Once he awoke with the most recent high coming to an end I confronted him with his problem and he broke down admitting he has tried to stop and cannot do it on his own. He asked me for help and begged me to do it without being admitted into a center. I agreed. So it began, withdrawal, the worst of it lasted about a week. The shakes, constant muscle pain and spasms, throwing up and diarrhea, fever and delusions it was horrible to watch and I cannot imagine the pain he was in. it was painful just to watch and it was a fight to get him through it. He struggled with cravings for a long time after withdrawal and eventually joined a narcotics anonymous group and meant to talk with me frequently about the cravings he still has for the drug and the nightmares and flashbacks he still has that plagues his sleep. Even now, years later, he still has cravings and scares from the old track marks that will forever be on his body and still emotional scaring that will always remain.

This has changed his life forever and it has affected us all in many ways, I know it has affected me. As his friend I grieved for his pain and wish I could have helped him sooner before he has gone farther into addiction. If only I had not let it gotten that far or if I had noticed the signs earlier. I cannot take back the past, his nor mine. He had terrible things done to him and he made bad decisions coming out of it. Spencer, I believed through it all learned much of himself, and even now when so much more has happened to him he has learned to deal with grief and pain in a way that is healthier. He has opened up to us all more and allowed us to help him when he needs it. I hope to one day write more about the doctor but for now I must stop, wait and see what comes next.


End file.
